This year was my first Women of Faith. It was a powerful, redeeming, healing, life-changing experience for me.
Walking into Women of Faith I was nervous and mired in shame. I have a history ripe with pain — abuse, rape, infertility, divorce, etc. — and I spent my life feeling that I was invalid to the world of shiny Christianity, or feared condemnation. I would walk out with my head held high, believing I was not only valid and worthy in God’s eyes, but also had something to offer and excited to get busy rather than hiding.
I cried through nearly every talk as I felt God telling me again and again, “See? You don’t need to hide anymore. I gave you your story. That is a gift for you to connect with others, to help others see who I am and who you really are.”
One of the most powerful moments for me was the Jesus painting. A good friend was sitting next to me — she also had a father who caused pain. Just when the painter put the second eye on Jesus, my friend leaned over and said, “That’s our real dad.” Then, we hugged and cried. I was amazed. Jesus’ eyes looked so real. They looked sad, but soft and reaching. I felt like an adoptee must feel when he meets his forever family for the first time. In my head I kept saying, “Daddy! It’s you! It’s you!”
Another powerful moment was during the Selah concert. My dad, who was a painful person in my past, sang for events often. His favorite songs were hymns like How Great Thou Art. I had steered clear of any of those songs since I last saw my dad as a teenager in 1991. They were too painful.
By the time Selah was on the third or fourth note of the intro to How Great Thou Art, I knew. I collapsed into my chair and sobbed through the song. By the end I wasn’t crying hurting tears; I was crying healing tears. Selah sang three of my dad’s favorite hymns. I also cried through the second one. By Great is Your Faithfulness I sat silently, my knees curled against my chest, my hands on my forehead, smiling in redemption.
I left acutely aware that I am worthy and valid in God’s eyes and that I have something to offer. I may not be a speaker (just yet anyway), but I can write. Through writing I can offer myself and my story to others, so they might catch a glimpse of God and the healing and redemption he offers. I came home and launched a blog the next day with only my passion and complete trust for God fueling me.
Read Shawna’s blog at ofprepositionsprayerandplaydough.com
Comments
Very, very beautiful! God Bless you for sharing you’re wonderful story, so many lives you are sure to touch, thank you for touching mine. Nothing can compare to the love of our heavenly Father.
Thank you so much for your comments, Tammara! I feel so honored that God has given me the gift of writing to touch even one life. You are so right – nothing can compare to the love of Jesus.
Shawna,
I know exactly how you feel. Walking in this time (which was the second) WOF event, I just thought, I am not worthy of love cause I can’t even love myself. I attended with my sister and I think I cried harder this year than last. Brenda Warner was the key this year for me and her wonderful son. Yes, during the whole time He was telling me too, “See? I do love you, always have, always will. I forgive you, please forgive yourself.” These events are life changing at WOF and I thank God every day for the experiences my sister and I shared. God Bless You!!!
How exciting that you had a similar experience, Tracy! How powerful to be able to share that with your sister. I am so thankful for Women of Faith.
Tracey, Thank you for this comment. Shawna, you’re story was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes since I’ve felt like in my life I have turned and walked away from God after knowing him as a child so well. Then recently God has been sending me blessings (such as Women of Faith) and women like you, to show me the truth, HE LOVES ME! and always has even when I didn’t love myself. I need to forgive myself and let God love me. Tracey your comment made me feel like I wasn’t alone and I never has to be again. God Bless you Ladies
Shawna! Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m always amazed at Gods work in us even though I see it so abundantly moment by moment. You ARE valued. So so so glad you are sharing your life and story. God is going to take you for a wild ride, and I can’t wait to hop on and hear more about it. Xo Jen
Thank you, Jen! It is going to be one wild ride; I am excited to see what God has up his sleeve.
Praise God and welcome to the family! You are LOVED my friend. Our Daddy is awesome!
So true, Cindy! So true! We have the best Daddy a girl could ask for. Thank you.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this story! God is AWESOME!!
Thank you, Sharon!! He most definitely is!
I feel you Shauna. I now what your pain was and praise God and WOF for inlightening us all to the fact we are redeemed and we are perfect and without flaw in His “EYES”. I am looking forward to reading you blog and know that even though we don’t know eachother personally, we know eachother through Christ our Lord. Blessings and love in abundance to you.
Ann, it is so good to ‘meet’ you here. I am so sorry you have had similar pain, but am rejoicing that we are perfect in God’s eyes, that he in essence sees himself when he looks at us – perfection.
AWESOME AND AMAZING are two words I use to describe My God and Yours. I am honored and humbled to hear your wonderful story. You also are AWESOME AND AMAZING in God’s eyes and mine.
Thank you for sharing.
Rita
Rita, those are two perfect words to describe God. He is awesome and amazing. Thank you so much for your comments!
where are you from? You said you were at the St. Paul conference, correct? Did you go in a group or just you and your sister?
POWERFUL!!!
Thanks, Tanya!!
You can indeed write! Powerful message.
Wow, thank you, Sherrii!!
Thank you for sharing. I have some things in common with you, my sister in Christ. I, too, have struggled with infertility and have experienced big losses and pain in my life. But dear Jesus always comes to embrace me and cover me with His grace and mercy. As the song goes, He does not always calm the storm but sometimes He calms His child instead. I would love to follow you in your wordpress blog. I will be at the Women of Faith conference in Sacramento this coming weekend and I am expecting a great experience once again. God bless you!
Thank you for your comments, Alicia. I am sorry to hear that you, too, have suffered through infertility. What a hard road! I haven’t heard that song, but really like the lyrics you shared here. It makes me want to look that song up now! I would be honored to have you follow my blog. Have a great time at WOF this weekend!
i am in my office in tears reading this. Wow God Bless You
Wow, I am humbled to read this. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. I don’t feel quite so alone.
Thank you so much
Marianne, I am so glad I could help you not feel alone. You are not alone!
Indeed – Our God is an awesome God. Like you, knowing He loves me so much in spite of my past is at the least humbling and mostly just overwhelming. Rejoice! For the Lord is good.
Nancy,
Yes! He does love us in spite of our past and with it. He loves us as whole people, pain and all. God is so good!
Shauna, what a wonderful story you have to tell. Women of Faith is so amazing and it just lets you know how others may also sharing your pain. So happy and grateful that you were so open to let God in and know you know you are Never alone. The Jesus painter left us all breathless and the eyes of Jesus were as if he looked into our hearts. What an amazing gift we have found at Women of Faith!!!!!!!! Joyce
Thanks, Joyce! Wasn’t the Jesus painter amazing? I am so grateful to Women of Faith for such an amazing experience, and for letting God do everything he wanted in so many lives.
Dearest Shawna,
How very proud I am to call you friend and sister!!! God has given you a powerful gift; words and language connect all of us and each of us, to one another. I have loved reading your blog!! And I am so looking forward to seeing you soon (Saturday!!). I am not surprised that we have so very much more in common than I could have guessed…but the best thing we have in common is that we are,”God’s daughters, Christ’s sisters, powerfully loved, treasured by the Creator of the Universe, precious in His sight and recipients of His promises!!” Your writing is sure to guide others not only to the Christ that you love and serve, but also to wholeness, health and healing! Blessings!
Wow, Cindy. Thank you! What a privilege it is to be called a daughter of God and be your sister in Christ. I am looking forward to seeing you soon!
When are you guys coming back to Tampa!!! Not Orlando but Tampa. Please come back. Please!!!!
To my sweet friend,
It was an amazing experience. Jesus is our perfect Dad. The Dad we thought we never had growing up but he was there the whole time wasn’t he? Also, through our pain, we have a sisterhood through Christ that will be stronger than any sort of close relationship we could have hoped for with our toxic human father’s. Thank goodness we’ve kept in touch all this time and that we can travel this road to healing together now. Hand in hand with our perfect heavenly Father.
Thank you, Brina! Isn’t it amazing what a wonderful father we had there? He was loving us all along! I am so thankful for you, as a close friend and sister. Jesus has a plans for us, not to harm us, but for a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). I am so glad I got to share the experience of WOF with you.
Our oldest daughter joined our family at age 8 and came from a background of extreme abuse and neglect. We spent years trying to undo the horrible victimization and behaviors it spawned all the while holding to God’s ability to heal. When she was finally able to allow His touch on her broken spirit, the changes were dramatic. She is now a beautiful strong young woman, who has found the partner the Lord has for her and joy that alluded her for so long. God is faithful and fully able to heal when we will dare to trust Him with the darkest part of our soul wounds. So happy for the freedom that has come into your life!
Lynda,
Wow, what a great story of redemption and healing! Thank you so much for sharing it here. What joy to have seen the transformation of hurt into beauty. I’m sure it was a long, long journey. Praise God for his amazing healing!
I went to WOF this year with my two best friends – it was 3 weeks after my husband passed away. One of the songs that a friend of mine sang at my husband’s celebration of life was “It Is Well With My Soul”. When Selah sang with song at WOF my heart was touched so much!! I felt the Lord reassuring me that my husband is with him in heaven. Praise the Lord!
Teresa,
Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I knew better what to say. I am so glad to hear that your husband is in heaven, and that Selah’s music was able to comfort you some. Praise the Lord!