I came to Women of Faith hoping to meet God in a way I hadn’t yet. I was in desperate need of knowing God IS still there with me. I felt empty, lost, and alone.
I grew up in a Christian home, raised in the church, a Bible college graduate. No one knew, not even my best friend, the pain I’d lived with since I was 3 years old. Everyone at church thought I was a happy person, no one knew the depth of the depression I struggled with every single day. My family saw a few of the cracks but had no idea how deep those cracks really went. Very few at my college knew I was so profoundly lost, hurt, & depressed.
I was sexually abused from age 3 to age 19. I spent years distant from God & not even KNOWING it. I even had myself fooled that I was “on track” with the Lord, when in reality I had built a HUGE wall between me and God because God is a MAN.
When I was 21, (in 1999) I began doing foster care for drug affected babies. It was a blessing & I loved each baby but I look back & see I was doing this in my own power, so I always felt alone even with 5 to 6 kids at a time. December 17, 2004 one of our sweet babies, at the tender age of 14 months, was brutally murdered by his birth father & 10 months later, God called another one of our babies home. These experiences only thickened the wall I’d built between me & God.
Last year, God brought a wonderful pastor & his wife to my church & He used them to rock my world & help me see my way was not working, I needed GOD. May 26, 2012 I gave my life to the Lord & was baptized June 17 – Father’s Day. I chose Father’s Day because I now knew GOD IS MY FATHER. Since then, satan has thrown all he can at me & it has been so easy to fall back into old patterns, old ways of thinking. I didn’t want to feel empty, lost or alone anymore. I wanted to recapture the relationship with God I’d found just months ago & bring it into a place where I trust Him fully & I needed HEALING & my life’s story to be redeemed.
I connected with each & every speaker in some way. God literally broke me each time someone spoke. He told me “I want to redeem you; I want to Heal you; all you have to do is LET me.” The pain & hurt of the past can be turned into a glorious redemption & used to transform someone else’s life..through WOF, I found God’s healing power & I know He is not done yet.
I don’t know how He is going to use my pain & my story, but I do know now that not only will He use it but I want Him to use it & I cannot wait to see where He takes me in this redemption. Thank you WOF for the encouragement & letting God guide each session. He truly is a powerful, transforming God who will continue to heal.