Parents . . . A Bully’s Worst Nightmare

Bullying. It will happen to 70 to 80 percent of all current students in the United States by the time they graduate high school. 90 percent of these incidents will take place in public. Bullying affects everybody: the victim, the perpetrator, the audience, the families. It is a far-reaching problem that leaves a wake of insecurity and hurt in its path. This is a weighty issue. I was bullied from 6th to 12th grade at school but by the grace of God came out stronger with a deeper relationship with my family and the Lord. My parents played a vital part in helping me deal with the aftermath of bullying. You too are a key player in your child’s struggle with bullying.

Respect Your Children from a Young Age

One of the things I am most thankful for is the way my parents respected me at such a young age. They would do simple things like include me on big family decisions, ask me what I thought about a work situation, or something as little as let me choose dinner once a week. At school I felt like I was worthless, but my parents added value to who I was by respecting me and giving me a voice in the little things. This strengthened our relationship and built confidence in me at the same time.

Pray for the Situation

Prayer is, hands down, the most powerful force on the planet. If you want to help make a situation right for your child, pray for them. We serve the God of the impossible. Do not underestimate the power of what prayer can do in anything. My parents prayed for me and finally in High School I formed two unlikely friendships with two guys who had bullied me years earlier. Last year they stood as my groomsmen in my wedding. Prayer works! Here is the kicker; you need to also cover their bully in prayer. You cannot stay angry with someone you are praying for. The anger is justified but not fruitful.

Make Your House the Party House

Host the best after-school hang outs and parties at your house. Contrary to Hollywood’s dramatization of the American school, you don’t need drugs or alcohol to do it. I have found that if you have good food, take interest in the kids’ lives, and go out of your way to serve them, they will be more responsive to you in the one on one times and genuinely want to keep coming back. My friends loved being at my parent’s house—there were video games and good food! It was a safe and fun place where they knew my parents loved them.

Jesus is Lookin’ Out

Remember that we serve a big God who has plans for your child. There are moments where intervening is necessary but don’t limit what God wants to do in your child’s life by stepping in at every turn. God will take care of your child because he or she is His child too. Create an atmosphere where your child wants to come to you. This comes by listening when they speak and waiting until they are finished to give your wisdom. Be the strong parent, but listen with compassion.

#stopthebull

About Kramer

Kramer RasmussenKramer Rasmussen grew up in Seattle, WA, spending a few years in Missouri in between. He graduated from Northwest University with degrees in Pastoral Ministries and Biblical Studies, spending a month touring in Israel. He grew and pastored a Junior High ministry in a local church for four years and now pastors at a church in the heart of Seattle, working primarily with children and youth. He recently married his college sweetheart; they live in Kirkland, WA.

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Comments

  1. 1 year ago
    Dawn Slye says

    I agree with you Lecrecia. I also think that at that age we need to stop them. I think bulling has gotten so out of Hand and I think it has to do with out Partents, evernment , spiritual Pray is Good but we as Sisters inChrist need to take a stand and protect our children to. I am still Praying about How to go about this in a Godley way.

  2. 1 year ago
    lecrecia says

    this was great as a parent i was bullied through out school and even on the school bus it can make you angry and sad mine got so bad i didnt even want to go to school.. i did eventually quit school for different reasons why but even as of today you still can rember it. now as a mother i do question my sons and i do make them feel loved and put there mind at ease. my first child was bullied in kindergarten. the little ones can be quiet mean at times. and i just dont understand it all they all the bullies need prayer.

  3. My son has been bullied all his school years but now that he`s in middle school its worst. But we have a close relationship and he will come to me and we talk about it and we take care of it with the people at school and also we pray about it too. I do believe in pray. Because right now the kids that we bullying him has stop for now. And the kids are getting along. I will continue to pray for my son. And I would like for your prayers too thanks and God bless

    • 1 year ago
      Dawn Slye says

      Dear Michelle
      thank you for your word of encouragement. My Son is Graduation this year. He has taken freshman under his wing since he was in middle School. He is hoping that the students he leaves behind will stand up and protect those who are going thru the fire. His life was shattered when His grandma my mom died of cancer. He came close to where I was. I think the Lord that we are both alive and willing to stand up and pray. We will keep you all in our Prayers Blessing Dawn

  4. 1 year ago
    Dawn Slye says

    I read you article about bulling. I was bullied in elementary school by a ethnic crowd. I with my parents help survived my birthday was Feb. 6 two days later I tried to take my life because of the bullying that was going on in the work place. I had been abandoned by my supervisors, disrespected by co workers and even to the point of being devalued, God woke my husband up in time to get me help. I pray daily for Gods grace and the courage to face the issues. my mental instability is hard to deal with.. I have been brought to my knees and my vessel has been broken. now it is time to heal. I find out that my son has been bullied all his life.

  5. 1 year ago
    Brenda says

    Thank you for opening this door, Kramer. I wasn’t sensitive enough to my daughter and what she was going through in jr and sr high to know how much she was bullied. I never had anything like that happen to me while I was growing up – PTL – so I turned a blind eye toward her and what I assumed was her own weakness. Twenty years later, she still doesn’t trust me and our relationship is very stilted. Prayer and time will hopefully bring us together once again. I’ve found out the hard way how important it is to always keep the communication flow open.

  6. 1 year ago
    em says

    was bullied in early grade school; tried to tell my mom but her reply was stix/stones break your bones but words will never hurt you. well she was wrong; mean words hurt even if they don’t break bones. peoples indifference to your feelings hurt too. in my 50′s now & still being bullied & treated meanly. I don’t get it & don’t like it. i know God sees & I hope He marks it on their scorecard as points against. i got whiplash from turning the other cheek…parents build your children up, hug them& listen; bag the contrite sayings – validate your kids & teach them how to stand strong.

  7. Thank you for this post. We especially appreciate the part where you spoke of respecting our children and giving them choices. If you are being bullied all you want is for home to fell like a haven. Thank you for the reminder that prayer is powerful in all situations.

  8. 2 years ago
    Cindy says

    Thank you and God Bless You for writing this. I come from a nice home where my parents were both teachers. But I am 65 and had it indoctrinated into me that children are to be seen and not heard. When I was bullied in high school my mom would say Us uglies have to stick together and when my cousin had incest with me at age 13 and 4 Navy seals that were in survival training in the San Diegp mountains near where we kept our horses raped me all at the same time I never said a word, just hit the beer bars and went with numerous men because I bought into my dad when he said Your feelings don’t matter only that you fit into society. Beer bars, drunk nightly, promiscuous with any man that would have me and suicide attempts until 20 yrs ago when I wept and asked Jesus to come into my life – just like Jesus blessed me when He blessed by praying for my 90 (now 91) yr old mother on April 1, 2012 and she asked Jesus into her heart. The bottom line is that I am only one small speck on the eye – the eye that turns their heads when their children (me) have been bullied and where, even though I take full responsibility for going into the bars and being with those men, and in spite of the fact that I hold nothing but God’s grace and mercy for my parents today, I do also rest the responsibility of my sister being raped by the same Navy Seals the same summer squarely on my dad’s and mom’s shoulders because my sister and I never talked because “It just didn’t matter” and we only found out about each other 4 yrs ago. And it all started when we were bullied in high school and our parents didn’t want to hear from us

    • Dear Cindy,

      Your words of honesty and transparency are greatly appreciated and I sense the Lord has done a tremendous work in your life through this tragedy. Your openness will no doubt open the door for many more women to realize that their feelings ARE important and they do matter, especially to the Lord. The Bible tells us that “what the enemy intended for evil, God means for good”. So many women never quite get to “the good” but get lost in despair and depression of things that happen in life. Giving our lives to the Lord is the first step in recovering and living the life that God intends. John 10:10, “ The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy but I have come that you may have life and life to the fullest.”

      Message to all Women Struggling with issues such as this: You are strong! Be courageous! Matthew 9:22 – “Daughter, Take Courage, your faith has made you well!” Judges 5:21 – “March On, O my soul in strength.”

  9. good stuff

  10. 2 years ago
    Jessica says

    Thank you! This was really powerful to help me take my concerns for my kids and their friends and really give them to the Lord. I love helping my kids navigate through growing up and this gave me some helpful advice.