It all starts with the vows: for richer or poorer. We stand up at our weddings and recite those vows fully expecting that we will happily stand by each other, no matter what. We have big dreams about the life we’re starting with this person we love so much.
Every marriage starts with big hopes and dreams. You walk down that aisle celebrating all the beautiful ways you connect as a couple, all those little moments of excitement and joy and intimacy and fun and love and goodness that have been the building blocks of your relationship. And for a while, those hopes and dreams and joys are enough to carry you through the adjustments of marriage.
And then life happens. It doesn’t matter if things go along just as you planned or if your plans get derailed early on. The bottom line is that life, no matter how great it is, pushes a lot of our hopes and dreams to the side. You have jobs. You have kids. You buy a house. You lose a house. Your parents get older. You find yourselves stressed out by the present and worried about the future. And over time, through no fault of your own, those dreams you had for your life together get put on the back burner and, one by one, they start to dry up and disappear.
The dream to buy a house? Can’t afford it. The dream of going back to school? Not with a baby on the way. The dream of backpacking through Europe? Can’t get time off. The dream of retiring at the beach? Not after the market tanked. Whether your dreams are big or small, they tend to fade as the years go by.
. . .
It doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s the thing: every decision you make as a couple involves money. Every. Single. One. Money factors into everything from the kind of house you live in to where you go on vacation, from the kind of shampoo you use to the kind of bread you eat. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about a $5 cup of coffee or a $50,000 car—money is part of every piece of our lives.
That’s why couples who disagree about money will disagree about everything.
That combination of love and money is what makes up your Money Relationship. Just like your physical relationship is about much more than sex, and your emotional relationship is about far more than your feelings, your Money Relationship involves a whole lot more than your money. It’s about how and why you connect—or don’t—when you make decisions where money is involved. It’s the deeper set of assumptions and beliefs you bring to your money decisions.
We created [The 5 Money Personalities] to help couples stop fighting about money and repair their Money Relationship, regardless of their financial situation. We want to change the way you communicate about money. We want to give you practical, efficient, easy-to-remember, easy-to-apply tools to help you build a stronger Money Relationship. But more than anything else, we want to rekindle your passion for the future—and for each other.
From The 5 Money Personalities© 2013 Scott and Bethany Palmer. Published in Nashville, Tennessee by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
A Note to Couples about The 5 Money Personalities
Before you jump in, we want to be clear about something: this book is not a guide to managing your money. You won’t find tricks for creating a balanced budget or tips on saving money. We aren’t going to teach you how to find the best investments or how to reduce your mortgage. There are plenty of books out there that do all of that and more.
This book is about you and your marriage. It’s about the way your money and your relationship combine to create a Money Relationship. That’s right—you and your spouse have a Money Relationship, just like you have an emotional relationship, a spiritual relationship, and a physical relationship.
Every couple recognizes those times when they are emotionally out of sync—one of you is upset and the other person can’t understand why. Many of us know how it feels to be at a different place than our spouses when it comes to faith. And what couple hasn’t had those nights when one of you is in the mood for some lovin’ and the other just wants to fall asleep?
Your Money Relationship is no different. When you and your spouse are making financial decisions—the big ones and the little ones—there will be times when you totally get each other, when you make a plan to spend or save or invest and you head down that financial road together. But if you’re like nearly every couple we’ve ever met, there are other times when your love and your money turn into a toxic mess. You can’t agree on a plan or you can’t stick to the plans you’ve made or you just can’t understand why your spouse doesn’t see things the way you do. Like every other aspect of your relationship, the money piece can either help you grow closer or pull you apart.
We believe that when couples have the right tools and are committed to using them, they can make their love and their money work together to create a thriving Money Relationship and an intimate, solid marriage.
Hanging Out with The Money Couple
We recently met with Scott and Bethany Palmer via Google “Hangout” for a chat about who they are, what they do, and why they’re called “The Money Couple.” Watch the conversation here.