WOF:    What prompted you to write this particular book?  Was it a specific incident, or something that you had been pondering for a while?

Sheila:    It was more from observation of our audience over last few years, talking to so many women in my book line, women sent me emails ― there seemed to be lots of different scenarios but one common thread, “I’m trying so hard to be everything for everyone.”  They were working so hard to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employee, the perfect Christian.  The thing that seemed so interesting, that I related to, was that there was very little joy in it.  There was a sense that it was something they needed to do―not from a love of doing it, but from a sense of obligation.  I had been there myself, and had a heart for helping get women off that treadmill.

WOF:    As someone who is in the public eye – especially as a Christian speaker – how much pressure do you feel to be ‘Wonder Woman’?

Sheila:    At this point in my life, I feel no pressure to be Wonder Woman, but I think that comes out of having felt it for so many years and meeting with Wonder Woman’s demise in my own life. My own experience includes my struggle with clinical depression and my refusal to deal with the early symptoms, because I thought there was no way a Christian should be struggling with this―especially anyone in a leadership role. I thought I just needed to work harder.  That led me to a complete meltdown, which led to a month in psychiatric hospital, which gave me the opportunity to examine the myths of Wonder Woman.


WOF:    Among the “surprising things you might find in Wonder Woman’s closet” are insecurity, shame, fear, and masks.  It seems that all of them share fear as a common bond.  Why do you think we’re so afraid?

Sheila:   I think we’re afraid that we’re not enough.  We long to be really, completely known, but at the same time that’s our greatest fear. What if, at the point of our most vulnerability and openness, we discover that we’re not enough and we get rejected?  If we’re always holding something back, then that gives us a sense of control.  If we hold nothing back, and let God and the world see who we are, then there’s nowhere else to go.

As women we deal with fear differently. Some women put on masks of perfection, some deal with fear through anger and sarcasm, and some choose whatever is the greatest heartache in their life to become their identity. Something terrible happened in their childhood, and instead of acknowledging that it happened and dealing with it, it becomes their identity.

Although we deal with fear in different ways, there’s a common thread just deep in our genes as far back as you can take them – all the way back to the Garden of Eden.  Eve was the only woman who ever lived in intimate communion with both God and her husband and never doubted that she was loved.

After the fall, she tried to cover herself and she hid. God came to walk with Adam and Eve in the garden and for the first time, they weren’t there. God said, “Where are you?”  Eve’s response was very telling of our own lives. “We heard you coming, we knew we were naked, we were ashamed, and we hid.”  That’s what we have been doing ever since. We sense our own sinfulness, that we’re not enough, and we’re ashamed – so we hide.

WOF:    In the chapter on Broken Relationships, you talk about how to make amends with someone who disagreed with you – without changing your decision.  That’s really valuable information!  Could you talk about it?

Sheila:    I think we feel such a tremendous need for approval.  We want so much to be liked. We want people think we’re doing right thing. In this situation I wanted to find new way to deal with this.  Before, I felt that I either had to agree with the other person and change my decision to make them happy or feel attacked and rejected and break off the relationship altogether. I thought, there has to be better way. There has to be a way to stay in a relationship where you can hear the other person, weigh what they have to say, and be willing to stay in same place.  I told the other person, “I really want to hear what you have to say about this.”  That was a new thing for me – my old defensiveness would have had me jump in to explain why I’m doing what I’m doing.  Then I was able to say, “Having heard your position, I understand where you’re coning from, but here’s why I’m doing this.  If you feel something else about another situation, please let me know. I want to hear what you have to say.”  We have a hard time giving people space to be disappointed with us, but sometimes that’s what you have to do.  I gave her space to be disappointed with me and to come around. And our relationship is stronger for it.

WOF:    Why is it so hard for us to ask for help?

Sheila:   We perceive asking as weakness as opposed to a different kind of strength. There’s something about Christians, particularly in Western Christian circles, that has corrupted the message; that says, “Because I’m in a relationship with Christ, I have all the answers.” As opposed to, “I’m weak and questioning, but I still rely on Christ.”  It’s a huge step to ask for help. Sometimes others are not able to help or even willing to help. I have found that our brokenness is a far greater bridge to other people than our apparent wholeness ever is.  Our broken places are the threads that bind us together.

WOF:    If you had to pull one piece of advice from this book to give to someone, what would it be?

Sheila::    Something I learned from Jennifer Rothschild, who was with us last year and several times this year. I was very impressed by the vision she has gained in darkness―the fact that she has no eyesight has honed spiritual eyesight.  Daily, as women who can see, we are confronted by all sorts of mirrors. Physical mirrors before we even leave the house, cultural mirrors, magazines, billboards, what’s being held up as good and desirable, relationships, body language – there are all sorts of places where we get messages about ourselves. What Jennifer said was that the only mirror she could trust is the mirror of the Word of God.  

When Joni Eareckson was with us, she said to me, “Sheila, in many ways you’re more handicapped than I am.”  She went on to explain that she never had a moment when she forgot that she was handicapped.  But the rest of us have times when we think we’re doing okay by ourselves – and that’s a tremendous disability.  One thing that I’m trying to pass on is this:  Every day, every woman gets many messages as to who she is.  She can choose to base her life on those messages or base her life on the mirror of God’s Word.

WOF:    Who’s your all-time favorite author (besides God)?  What are you reading now?

Sheila:    I would say both Henri Nouwen and Frederick Buechner. Right now I’m reading Wicked, the story that comes before the Wizard of Oz.  It’s very complicated.

WOF:    Do you have a favorite reading spot?

Sheila:    I have a favorite armchair in our bedroom.  One thing I said to Barry when we first got married was, “I don’t care what our house looks like or what kind of style it’s decorated in.  All I have to have is a comfortable armchair with an ottoman for reading.”

WOF:    What’s your next project?

Sheila:    Actually, I just finished it!  I’ll be using it in the Pre-conference next year.  We’re still working on a title; it’ll either be “God has a Dream For Your Life” or “To Dream Again”.  It asks, “Why do we give up on our dreams? What could we dream that would not be shattered by this world?”  It’s really calling women to take risks and not live such safe lives.

WOF:    This has nothing to do with your book . . . but please tell us about your latest CD.

Sheila:    It’s called Celtic Worship.  I wanted to take eleven or twelve of my all-time favorite worship songs and treat them as if they’d been recorded in my hometown in Scotland. We went back to a purist sort of thing with the music, with flutes, whistles, bagpipes, aolean pipes―the traditional sounds of home.