DIVORCE
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What to Expect in the Keys: You’ll discover God’s wisdom and guidance in a simple format.
- Definitions help you understand the topic from God’s perspective.
- Characteristics give insight into the different aspects of the topic.
- Causes shed light on the underlying issues related to the topic.
- Steps to Solution (Step-by Step) show you how to be transformed, walk in freedom and live in victory.
HEALING THE HEART
A New Beginning from Brokenness
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:18–19
Divorce could be described as a married couple deciding they no longer want to fulfill their commitment to marriage. Although usually only one of the two partners initiates the action, both may have contributed to the breakup to some degree.
Divorce is a shattering experience, and its wounds heal slowly. It takes time for the parties to get things sorted out so that they are able to deal objectively with themselves and their situation. It may be difficult for them to cut through all the feelings of alienation, rejection, bitterness, and confusion. With a high percentage of our nation’s marriages ending in divorce, is a challenging issue for all concerned.
New Life in Christ
Beginning again may mean an opportunity to rebuild a marriage based on new understanding and new goals, or it may mean rebuilding hope into a life that has been broken by sorrow. In either situation, God has a wonderful new beginning for those whose hearts are given to Him. From the soil of failure sprouts “new life in Christ.” ...
“In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lordanswered me and set me free.”
(Psalm 118:5 NLT)
- Your new identity (married or single) is in the Lord, not in a position or in another person. (Galatians 2:20)
- You are complete in Christ, not an incomplete single if you don’t remarry. (Colossians 2:9–10)
- Your happiness comes from inner attitudes, not outer circumstances. (Matthew 5:3–12)
- Your purpose in life, married or single, is to glorify God. (1 Corinthians 6:19–20)
- You have the resources to forgive your ex-spouse and others who have hurt you. (Colossians 3:13)
- You have the strength to overcome temptations when you are living in the power of Christ. (Romans 13:14)
- You are free (if you are single) to be concerned with things of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32–34)
- You have shared in the sufferings of Christ and can be an effective witness in the lives of others. (1 Peter 4:19)
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
(Isaiah 43:2)
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Whatever you’re facing, your life matters, and God wants you to live in victory. Today is a great day to begin.
The Biblical Perspective of Marriage
Marriage: Is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman are legally and spiritually joined together as husband and wife. (Malachi 2:14–15)
Marriage: Includes the uniting of two, one male and one female, into one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
Marriage: Is to be a reflection of God’s covenant commitment to His people. (Hosea 2:19–20)
Marriage: Is a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love for His bride, the church. (Ephesians 5:25)
Marriage: Is designed to be permanent until the death of one of the partners. (Romans 7:2)
Marriage: Is a covenant commitment that should never be broken. (Malachi 2:15)
The Biblical Perspective of Divorce
Legal Divorce: a judicial declaration that terminates the marriage contract. (Matthew 5:31)
Emotional Divorce: the result of a hardened heart toward one’s mate, creating an inability to give and receive love (Matthew 19:8)
Transformation and Redemption
Everyone loves a good transformation story and we all love the idea of transformation. We believe the reason we all love these types of stories is that, deep down, there are things about us that we dream about being different some day. We want our own transformation story. God desires to give you hope as you face life challenges, problems, difficult trials and to transform you.
- God guards and protects the faithful and just, without regard to marital status.
“He guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.” (Proverbs 2:8)
- God heals the brokenhearted, and He will still accomplish His ultimate purpose for you.
“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
(Romans 8:28)
- God promises to meet your needs, whether you remain divorced or you remarry.
“My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:19)
The good news for us is that God specializes in redemption and transformation. He takes that which was lost and restores it. He takes that which was dead and gives it life. He takes that which had no hope and rewrites its story. This is our God! As you pray today, ask God boldly to transform the thing inside you that you choose to see changed forever! Our Women of Faith resources are designed to assist you in transforming and being the transformation story you know God has in strore for you. Wherever you are in your faith journey, you are welcome here.
“If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
(Matthew 6:14–15)
Forgive
- Follow God’s correction course.
- Know that nothing happens to you that has not first passed through the loving hands of God.
- Know that God has not caused your spouse to leave, but He is working through the situation for your benefit.
- Know that both you and your spouse share some of the responsibiliy for the situation.
“Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise”
(Proverbs 15:31)
- Own your personal sins and seek God’s forgiveness.
- Do I have a submissive spirit or am I strong willed?
- Do I have a grateful spirit or am I critical and perfectionistic?
- Am I patient and forgiving or am I easily angered?
- Am I honest and trustworthy or do I seek to deceive?
- Do I praise others or do I slander and belittle?
"I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin”
(Psalm 32:5).
- Recognize your need to confess and seek forgiveness.
- Seek sincerely to understand how you have hurt another.
- Speak only about your offenses.
- Keep your statement simple.
Example: “My heart has convicted me of how deeply I have hurt you. Although I am undeserving, I want you to know I am genuinely sorry for (name the offense). Will you forgive me?”
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”
(James 5:16).
- Give only a good report.
- Avoid saying any unkind words about your spouse.
- Avoid belittling the other parent in the eyes of your children.
- Avoid seeking sympathy from friends and relatives.
- Avoid self-centered conversations.
- Avoid talking about the difficulties of others without their approval.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”
(Ephesians 4:29).
- Identify the unmet needs of your ex-spouse.
(Know your three God-given inner needs.)
- Was your mate searching for unconditional love?
- Did your mate lack a feeling of significance and importance within the marriage?
- Could your mate have needed more emotional security within the relationship?
“The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction”
(Proverbs 16:21).
- Vow to pray for your ex-spouse.
- Pray for the salvation of your ex-spouse.
- Pray for your ex-spouse to let the Lord meet inner needs.
- Pray for Satan to have no power.
- Pray for the bondage of sin to be broken.
- Pray for protection from outside evil influence.
- Pray for godly influences to enter the life of your ex-spouse.
- Pray for godly repentance, even if your ex-spouse remarries.
“I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”
(Matthew 5:44).
- Expect God to be working on your behalf.
- “Thank You, God, for coming into my life and leading me in the way to go.”
“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose”
(Philippians 2:13).
- “Thank You, God, for coming to my defense.”
“He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me.”
(Psalm 18:47)
- “Thank You, God, that You bring the guilty to justice.”
“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
- “Thank You, God, for promising to provide all my needs.”
“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
(Matthew 6:31–33)
- “Thank You, God, that You answer prayer that is according to Your will.”
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
(1 John 5:14–15)
- “Thank You, God, that You will protect me from trouble.”
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”
(Psalm 32:7)
- “Thank You, God, that You will be the other parent to my children.”
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”
(Psalm 68:5)
- “Thank You, God, that You will take the place of my mate.”
“For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”
(Isaiah 54:5)
Dos and Don’ts for Helping Others
Don’t: counsel others when you are walking through your own spiritual wilderness.
Do... Be a living example of having Christ’s strength as your strength. (Philippians 4:13)
Don’t: give advice based on your personal opinion.
Do... Know God’s heart on marriage and divorce. (Proverbs 14:12)
Don’t: encourage dating and remarriage.
Do... Share God’s heart on reconciliation and contentment. (1 Corinthians 7:11)
Don’t: criticize or judge the offending spouse.
Do... Encourage the wounded spouse to rely on the Lord to bring healing and justice. (Isaiah 42:3)
Don’t: reinforce feelings of self-pity, bitterness, and injustice.
Do... Encourage keeping a journal of feelings, then releasing the pain to the Lord. (Psalm 51:6)
Don’t: allow those you counsel to become too dependent on you.
Do... Help those who are hurting to rely on God’s unconditional love and acceptance. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Don’t: be the only source of counsel.
Do... Share how to meditate on God’s Word and listen to God’s voice. (Isaiah 30:21)
Don’t: assume that the pain of divorce is over.
Do... Reach out during the most difficult times—evenings, anniversaries, and at times when the children are with the former spouse. (Proverbs 27:10)
“The God of all comfort ... comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
(2 Corinthians 1:3–4)
Key Verses to Learn
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
(Philippians 4:12–13)
“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”
(Isaiah 64:4)
Key Passage to Read
Psalm 119:25–32
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God desires to give you hope as you face life challenges, problems and difficult trials. The good news for us, God specializes in redemption and transformation. He takes that which was lost and restores it. He takes that which was dead and gives it life. He takes that which had no hope and rewrites its story. This is our God! As you pray today, ask God boldly to transform the thing inside you that you want to see changed forever!
Thank you for your interest and support in Women of Faith. We pray God will encourage, equip, and empower you with His life-changing truth.
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