THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

Psalm 34:18

Do you walk on eggshells to avoid the manipulation and control of an abusive spouse or know someone who does? No one should have to endure abuse—no one! And yet, sadly, domestic violence occurs in millions of homes each year. The Women of Faith resources will explain different types of abuse, why it happens, and how to establish boundaries and find safety. Discover how God’s truth provides healing and hope for survivors of abuse, and learn how to help others in your family, community, and church overcome abuse.  Whether it’s a dating relationship, a family relationship, or you are in an abusive marriage – there are answers.  If you are in an abusive relationship – there is hope. 

Are You In an Abusive Relationship?

If you are in an abusive relationship, know that staying with the abuser, only to wait for the next violent episode, is not your only option. You have more than one viable choice. Safety should be paramount, for until a safe haven is found, you will not have the emotional stability or state of mind to make sound decisions concerning how to get help for your abusive situation and how to receive healing for your relationship.

God desires to give you hope as you face life challenges, problems and difficult trials. The good news for us, God specializes in redemption and transformation. He takes that which was lost and restores it. He takes that which was dead and gives it life. He takes that which had no hope and rewrites its story. This is our God!

People in abusive relationships adopt various ways of responding to their mates, but you need to know that you have God who not only watches over you, but who also - if you take refuge in Him - will guide you in the way you should go.

Psalm 32, verse 7, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” And in the next verse God says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you.”

What Are the Different Types of Abuse?

• Verbal Abuse
• Emotional Abuse
• Physical Abuse/Violence
• Sexual Abuse/Violence

Even when reason seems skewed, the Psalms offer hope for the afflicted.  “You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending … the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.”  Psalm 10:17-18

What Is Abuse?

God designed the marriage relationship to balance, to benefit, and to better one another. With the first marriage on earth, He created Eve to be the perfect companion for Adam. He intended the pair to love, honor, and cherish each other all the days of their lives ... just as He intends for every married couple today.

In too many homes around the world, the marriage bond has become bondage—shared lives have become shattered by abuse. Any form of abuse is a flagrant violation of the marriage vows, “To have and to hold from this day forward ... to love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part.” And although such abuse is too frequently “behind closed doors,” it is blatantly in open view before the eyes of the Lord. ...

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

(Hebrews 4:13)

Abuse means “to mistreat, hurt, or injure.”

Abuse and violence are often used interchangeably, although the word violence implies an escalation of abuse and introduces the element of fear of harm as a means of control.

Domestic violenceand family violenceare the legal terms for physical spousal abuse or any other physically abusive relationship within the home or family. 

Domestic violence refers to a pattern of coercive and violent behaviors exercised by one adult in an intimate relationship with another. God feels the strongest opposition against anyone who is abusive or violent toward another.

“The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”

(Psalm 11:5)

Domestic Violence Is Abuse

• Affects everyone in the family
• Bridges all levels in society: racial, religious, geographic, and economic
• Undermines the value of others
• Seeks to dominate others
• Escalates in intensity and frequency

The Bible gives this instruction ...

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”

(Proverbs 22:24)

And the very next verse continues with this warning of staying in a volatile situation ... 

“Or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”

(Proverbs 22:25)

Wrong Beliefs vs. Right Beliefs

The Abuser

Abuses in order to Feel Significant

Wrong Belief: “My wife is to blame for what’s happening. I have the right to expect certain things from my marriage partner who, after all, belongs to me. If I do not control my wife, I could lose her, so I’ll do whatever it takes to remain in control.”

Right Belief: “I am the only one responsible for my abusive behavior and the way I respond to people and circumstances. My wife is not to blame because, no matter what someone else does, I have a choice in how I treat others. Even if I lose my wife, I’ll never lose God. He is my true source of significance, and He promises to meet my needs.”

“My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” 

(Philippians 4:19)

The Abused

Accepts Abuse in order to Feel Secure

Wrong Belief: “I’m to blame for what my husband does to me. I must be doing something wrong. If I just try harder to do what he expects of me, things will get better. If I don’t do better, I could lose my husband along with my security. Or even worse, I could be killed. Pleasing my husband is my only hope for survival and security.”

Right Belief: “I’m not to blame for my husband’s abuse, and I have been wrong in thinking my happiness will come from a human relationship. I can choose whether or not I am willing to be around anyone who mistreats me, including my husband. Even if I lose him, I will never lose Jesus, who lives in me. I will depend on Him to meet all of my needs. The Lord is my source of security.”

“Your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name.”

(Isaiah 54:5)

Within the marriage relationship, God’s will is that you...         

 I.  Treat one another with respect. (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:7)  

II.  Experience mutual submission.(Ephesians 5:21) 

 III.  Speak truth and have truth spoken to you in a loving manner.(Ephesians 4:15)       

IV.  Express anger and have anger expressed toward you in appropriate ways. (Ephesians 4:26)     

V.  Both spend personal time alone. (Mark 1:35)    

 VI.  Use your unique talents and gifts to serve others. (1 Peter 4:10)      

VII.  Enjoy freedom from fear. (Romans 8:15)    

 VIII.  Both seek emotional and spiritual support from others  (Hebrews 10:25)     

  IX.  Report abuse to governmental authorities. (1 Peter 2:13–14; Romans 13:1–2)       

X.  Leave an abusive relationship, when necessary. (Proverbs 27:12)

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

(Psalm 4:8)

Key Verse to Learn

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.”

(1 John 3:16)

 Key Passage to Read

For the Abused: Psalm 91

For the Abuser: Psalm 94

Additional Scriptures

Psalm 4:81

John 3:16

Grace Filled Words

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

“Your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name.”

Isaiah 54:5

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God desires to give you hope as you face life challenges, problems and difficult trials. The good news for us, God specializes in redemption and transformation. He takes that which was lost and restores it. He takes that which was dead and gives it life. He takes that which had no hope and rewrites its story. This is our God! As you pray today, ask God boldly to transform the thing inside you that you want to see changed forever!

Thank you for your interest and support in Women of Faith. We pray God will encourage, equip, and empower you with His life-changing truth.

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