Do’s

• Do … Recognize that you need wise friends.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” 

(Proverbs 13:20)

• Do … Look for others in need of a friend.

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” 

(Philippians 2:4)

• Do … Ask God to bring a faithful friend into your life.

“If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” 

(1 John 5:14)

• Do … Be approachable by smiling at others.

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” 

(Proverbs 15:13)

• Do … Speak to others by name. (Jesus speaks to you by name.)

“The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.”

(John 10:3)

• Do … Listen attentively to others.

“[There is] a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.” 

(Ecclesiastes 3:7)

• Do … Give genuine compliments and encouragement.

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.”

 (Proverbs 16:21)

Do’s

• Do … Ask open-ended questions.
  • “What do you like most about your job?”
  • “Who has been the best influence in your life?”
  • “What would you change about your childhood?”

“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.”

(Proverbs 20:5)

• Do … Help others verbalize their feelings.
  • “I sense that you are hurting.”
  • “Has something difficult happened in your life?”
  • “How do you feel about what has happened?”
  • “I want you to know that I care.”

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” 

(Proverbs 27:9)

• Do … Look for the kernel of truth in your friend’s criticism.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” 

(Proverbs 27:17)

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” —Dale Carnegie

Barriers to Intimacy within Friendships

• Fear of being vulnerable

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

• Fear of personal disclosure 

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). 

• Fear of taking risks 

“In God I trust and am not afraid. What can mortal man do to me?” (Psalm 56:4). 

• Fear of repeated rejection 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past” (Isaiah 43:18).

Pros and Cons of Electronic Communication 

Positive aspects of electronic communication: 

• Permits you to choose when and how you will communicate with someone. 
• Prospects of staying in touch with loved ones are increased. 
• Provides avenues for communication and friendship. 
• Prepares you to connect and communicate through different mediums. 

Problems that can arise: 

• Personal interaction is missing. 
• Precludes actual time spent with family and friends in person. 
• Potential loss of sensitivity occurs when a person takes a phone call or responds to a text (or texts) while with another person. 
• Perceptions can be misunderstood because facial expressions and tone of voice are not able to be perceived in person.

The Codependency Checklist 

• Do you struggle with feeling loved, and therefore you look for ways to be needed? 
• Do you throw all of your energy into helping another person? 
• Do you feel compelled to take charge of another person’s crisis? 
• Do you feel drawn to a person whom you think needs to be rescued? 
• Do you have difficulty setting boundaries with another person and keeping them? 
• Do you find it difficult to identify and express your true feelings? 
• Do you rely on another person to make most of the decisions? 
• Do you feel lonely, sad, and empty when you are alone? 
• Do you feel threatened when the person closest to you spends time with someone else? 
• Do you refrain from speaking in order to keep peace? 
• Do you fear conflict because it could cause you to be abandoned? 
• Do you become defensive about your relationship with another person? 
• Do you feel “stuck” in your relationship with another person? 
• Do you feel you have lost your personal identity in order to “fit into” another person’s world? 
• Do you feel controlled and manipulated by another person? 
• Do you feel used and taken advantage of by another person? 
• Do you plan your life around another person? 
• Do you prioritize your relationship with another person over your relationship with the Lord?