LIVE IN VICTORY AFTER SPOUSAL ABUSE
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
(Psalm 34:18)
While abusive acts are committed by both husbands and wives, in cases of domestic violence, approximately 95 percent of the victims are women. Although the reality of wife battering reveals a long history of being tolerated—tolerated traditionally and even legally—abusive behavior has always grieved the heart of God. Any violation of this most sacred relationship always produces pain, but God promises to be close to the victim who suffers at the hands of an abuser.
Abusive behavior can be aggressive or passive, physical or psychological, direct or indirect, but regardless of the method, all abusive behavior comes from a hardened heart with the desire to punish, coerce, and control. Although the abuser treats his mate unjustly, he blames her for making him do it. It is never his fault … or so he says.
“In your heart you devise injustice, and your hands mete out violence on the earth.”
(Psalm 58:2)
What Is the Cycle of Abuse?
Like a volcano, abuse doesn’t start with a sudden outburst of physical force, but rather with intense internal pressure in need of an outlet. Abusive patterns develop in three stages that are cyclical, becoming increasingly violent. Family members who fall victim to these patterns feel traumatized by the mere anticipation of a violent eruption. Unfortunately, the escalating nature of abuse is rarely curbed without intervention and adequate accountability.
“Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out.”
(Psalm 10:15)
What Is the Situational Setup for Abuse?
In an abusive relationship, both the husband and the wife bring certain emotional deficiencies into the marriage, creating an unhealthy dynamic. For the cycle of abuse to be broken, someone in the relationship must change. Either the abuser must stop abusing or the abused must stop accepting abuse. It takes only one person to break free from the painful pattern of relating that has them both ensnared. Though difficult, release is possible, especially through the power of the Lord.
“My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.”
(Psalm 25:15)
Does God Care?
- God hears the cry of the battered and abused.
“You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.”
(Psalm 10:17)
- God holds the victim of abuse in the palm of His hand.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
(Isaiah 41:10)
- God will rescue the victim of abuse and violence.
“He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.”
(Psalm 72:14)
- God confirms the victim’s value and worth.
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
(Luke 12:6–7)
- God brings good out of the evil deeds of others.
“The Lord works out everything for his own ends—even the wicked for a day of disaster.”
(Proverbs 16:4)
Question: “How do I know if I should take action when I or someone I know is a victim of abuse?”
Answer: Whenever anyone, yourself included, is being abused, you need always to take some sort of action, even if it does not involve confronting the abuser.
- A safe rule of thumb is to never confront an abuser in a way or at a place that would put you in harm’s way. If you know you are not being led by the Lord to confront, then do not confront.
- Generally speaking, there is safety in numbers. So if you think it is not safe to confront alone, take someone with you who can keep the situation physically and emotionally safe for you.
- If someone you know is being abused and the person is powerless to stop the abuse, intervene on the person’s behalf. Either confront the abuser yourself, report the abuse to someone who can confront, or direct the victim to someone for counseling.
"Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (Proverbs 24:11–12)