Forgiveness is a profound and often misunderstood concept, especially in the context of Christian teachings. Understanding what forgiveness truly is—and what it is not—can help you navigate the complex emotions involved and practice forgiveness effectively.

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone” (Romans 12:17).

What Forgiveness Is

1. Dismissal of a Debt:

   • Forgiveness as Cancelation: Forgiveness means dismissing the debt or obligation that someone owes you because of a wrong done. This is not about forgetting or condoning the behavior but about releasing the hold that the offense has over you.

2. Releasing Expectations:

   • Forgiveness When Expectations Aren’t Met: It involves letting go of the demand that others must meet your expectations or fulfill promises. This applies even when they fail to treat you justly.

3. Releasing from Consequences:

   • Setting Free: Forgiveness is about dismissing, canceling, or setting someone free from the consequences of falling short of what God’s standard might be.

4. Extended Regardless of Repentance:

   • Unconditional Nature: Forgiveness is given even if it is never earned or if there is no visible sign of repentance from the offender.

5. Releasing Resentment:

   • Freedom from Negative Emotions: Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment, bitterness, and the desire for revenge. This means releasing:
     • Your right to hear an apology.
     • Your right to be bitter.
     • Your right to get even.

   Romans 12:17: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone."

6. Releasing Rights Regarding the Offense:

   • Letting Go of Control: Forgiveness means releasing:
     • Your right to dwell on the offense.
     • Your right to hold on to the offense.
     • Your right to keep bringing up the offense.

   Proverbs 17:9: "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."

7. Reflecting God’s Character:

   • Imitating God’s Forgiveness: Just as God forgives us, we are called to forgive others. To forgive is to:
     • Extend mercy.
     • Give a gift of grace.
     • Set the offender free.

   Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

What Forgiveness Is Not

1. Waiting for Time to Heal:

   • Not a Passive Process: Forgiveness is not about waiting for time to heal all wounds. Healing and forgiveness are active processes.

2. Letting the Guilty Off the Hook:

   • Transferring Accountability: Forgiveness is not about excusing the behavior but about moving the guilt from your hook to God’s. This means trusting God to handle justice.

3. The Same as Reconciliation:

   • One-Sided Act: Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation, which requires mutual effort and agreement. Forgiveness is something you can do on your own.

4. Being a Weak Martyr:

   • Strength in Forgiveness: Forgiveness is not about being a doormat. It’s about demonstrating strength and Christlikeness, not weakness.

5. Stuffing Anger:

   • Resolving, Not Denying: Forgiveness is not about stuffing your anger or pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about resolving anger by releasing the offense to God.

6. A Natural Response:

   • Supernatural Action: Forgiveness is not a natural reaction but a supernatural one, empowered by God. It requires divine assistance to practice fully.

7. Denying the Hurt:

   • Feeling and Releasing: Forgiveness is not about denying or ignoring the hurt. It involves acknowledging the pain and then releasing it.

8. Being a Doormat:

   • Not Passive Endurance: Forgiveness is not about allowing others to walk all over you. It’s about dealing with the offense in a way that honors God and yourself.

9. Conditional:

   • Unconditional Mandate: Forgiveness is not conditional on the offender’s actions or responses. It’s an unconditional command from God.

10. Forgetting:

    • Remembering and Choosing: Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. It’s a choice and an act of the will, not merely a feeling. You may remember the offense but choose to forgive and move forward.

Forgiveness is a deliberate, grace-filled act that involves releasing the debt and emotional hold associated with a wrongdoing. It’s a reflection of God’s character and a choice to let go of resentment, bitterness, and the desire for revenge. It is not passive or conditional but an empowered, intentional act of will that can lead to profound healing and freedom.

"Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”   (Hebrews 10:36)