PREGNANCY - UNPLANNED
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What Do I Do Now?
“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
Ecclesiastes 11:5
The story has been repeated a hundred different times in a hundred different ways: an unwed teenager learns she is pregnant. On this occasion, the stigma of being unmarried and with child looms especially heavy. The fact that she is engaged hardly deflects the eyes of accusation glaring at her . . . for her fiancé knows that he is not the father.
Rather than eagerly anticipating his wedding day, his heart is heavy—his dreams are dashed. Thoughts whirl through his mind as he tries to consider his options: What is he to do with the one who was once the “love of his life”? And what will happen to the child she is carrying?
“He will bless the fruit of your womb.”
Deuteronomy 7:13
An unplanned or unwanted pregnancy is a crisis for some and a “mere inconvenience” for others. Regardless of the circumstance, the joy of pregnancy and the pride of parenthood are painfully missing. Feelings of guilt … hurt… anger… fear… all bond together like a ton of bricks and press down heavily on the heart. Like Mary and Joseph (Jesus’ parents), you may not understand all that God has planned for you or your baby, but you can know that it is God who formed your baby in the womb, and He did so with a good purpose.
"God ordains all pregnancies—regardless of the circumstances."
Isaiah 44:24
"God is the author of life."
Deuteronomy 32:39
Neither parent could have fathomed God’s plan regarding this pregnancy. Never could they have known the path their lives would take, nor the supernatural work God would accomplish through the child of His making. This baby would be named Jesus . . . Jesus the Christ, the Savior of the world!
“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
Matthew 1:21
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How to Weigh Your Options
Before considering abortion, honestly answer the following questions and carefully consider the accompanying truths.
- Are you afraid that the response of others will be ridicule or rejection?
- Realize ... it is wiser to fear the response of God than the response of people.
- Are you being pressured, especially by your parents, the baby’s father, or abortion counselors?
- Realize ... there is no easy way out, and doing what God says is more important than doing what people say.
- Are you wanting to escape the reminder that you made a major mistake?
- Realize ... God wants your child to be a reminder of His sovereignty and His purposes, not of your mistake.
- Are you reluctant to bring an unwanted child into this world?
- Realize ... every child is wanted by God, and you can choose to want to have your child.
- Are you concerned about possible health problems of the baby?
- Realize ... the value of life is not related to the health of the baby but to the God-given value placed on this baby by the Creator of life.
- Are you viewing abortion as a form of birth control?
- Realize ... abortion kills a life, which is different from preventing the conception of a life.
- Are you wanting to get rid of a baby who is a result of a wrongful act such as rape or incest?
- Realize ... your baby is innocent of any wrongful act and is undeserving of the death penalty.
Terminating an innocent life will not end your grief, rather compound grief with guilt.
“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”
(Proverbs 14:12)
How to Walk with Wisdom
Write down your thoughts and feelings, admitting your anxiety, confessing any guilt, and casting your cares on the Lord.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”
(1 Peter 5:6–7).
Imagine what life would be like for you and your baby in the next year and ten years from now if you followed each option (abortion, parenting, adoption).
“The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception”
(Proverbs 14:8).
Sort through your options in terms of what God has revealed about your baby’s life and what is best for your child.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart”
(Jeremiah 1:5).
Develop a support structure of family and friends.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity”
(Proverbs 17:17).
Obtain godly counsel that lines up with what God says in His Word.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you”
(Psalm 32:8).
For Family and Friends ... Encouragement in Pain
- Call the entire family and closest friends together, talk through the situation, share feelings, and pray for the entire family. (Galatians 6:2)
- Concentrate on the positive by keeping an ongoing list of every valuable aspect of the situation. (Philippians 4:8)
- Count on various forms of rejection. Do not expect others to accept the circumstances or to support your decisions during this difficult time. (Psalm 27:10–11)
- Cherish God’s Word in your heart and meditate on Scripture for your source of strength and security. (Psalm 119:50)
- Cast every care upon God in prayer, thanking Him for what He will do in your situation. (Psalm 55:22)
- Cultivate consistency through a normal family routine—don’t stop functioning as a family unit. (1 Corinthians 14:33)
- Choose forgiveness—letting go of the past and pursuing peace. (Colossians 3:13)
- Claim this as an opportunity to be used for God’s glory and for the good of your family. (2 Corinthians 5:17–18)
- Come to accept that these changes in your life are permanent. (Psalm 138:8)
Dos and Don’ts for Family and Friends
Don’t ... Use shame.
Do ... Give emotional support. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Don’t ... Be judgmental or condemning.
Do ... See the immense need for a real friend. (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10)
Don’t ... Be surprised by the anger you feel.
Do ... Expect to feel anger as a natural response to injustice, hurt, fear, and frustration. Then resolve your anger by giving it to God. (Ephesians 4:26)
Don’t ... Hold on to hopes and dreams that are no longer possible.
Do ... Let go of the past and trust God for the future. (Isaiah 43:18–19)
Don’t ... Accept responsibility for the final decision.
Do ... Listen and discuss available options and their consequences. (Romans 14:12)
Don’t ... Pressure yourself or be pressured by others to make unwise decisions.
Do ... Trust in the Lord to lead you. (Proverbs 3:5–6)
Make a decision to entrust your future and your baby’s future to the Lord.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”
(Proverbs 3:5–6).
“The advantage of knowledge is this: Wisdom preserves those who have it.”
(Ecclesiastes 7:12)
Key Verse to Learn
“He will bless the fruit of your womb.”
(Deuteronomy 7:13)
Key Passage to Read
Psalm 139
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